116 Is The New 114.5

I know it's a failure but right now I am feeling OK about 116. I guess it's because I have been so completely out of control and ravenous with hunger that 114.5 seems like an impossible dream at the moment. I blew it. One weekend one whole pound up.

Friday: I did bad on date night. Really bad. I ate 3 biscuits, garden salad, 1 (of 2) chicken breast, rice/mashed potatoes (small servings), and we shared this horribly fattening dessert. The calories are right there in a separate book on my table and still I could not control it with the biscuits and the dessert. I was sooooooo hungry. I had restricted all week and all day eating only my work snacks and by 6:30pm all I wanted was to stuff my face. And so I did.

Saturday: Then, the next day I was like a bottomless pit. I woke up and ate a slice of left over pizza. Still starving. So, around lunch time I ate a pbj. Still starving. For dinner I had my left over Chicken Breast, biscuit, and some cous cous. Still starving. I ate a piece of string cheese. Still starving. I ate an apple. Still starving. Then went to bed with my stomach growling. It was awful. Nothing could quiet that hungry beast inside my belly.

Sunday: Hubby and I went and got donuts. I got the maple bar instead of the giant cinnamon roll. No huge victory there. I ate some FF candies. Then for dinner it was burger night with baked beans. We used these 100 cal pita type buns from Orowheat which was good. Oh, that Michelob Ultra never tasted so good going down!!

So you see, given my insatiable appetite 116 is really not all that bad. Let's just say-I'll take it. I am going to try to do better this week.

Oh, and the house hunting thing is about ready to give me an ulcer. You'd think that would be enough to steal away my appetite but nope! We are now considering a new house priced higher then I am comfortable with. Right now we are waiting to see if the builder's lender will approve us and if so how much. Will they give us 100% financing? Will we be forced to use the money hubby saved up as a down payment instead of our wedding and paying off some of his debt so that we can even afford the monthly payments?

I don't want to spend the rest of my life breaking my back to pay some ridiculous mortgage. I don't make much money and I don't see that changing for the foreseeable future making it very stressful to think about taking on a mortgage. Hubby tends to feel differently. He does make more then me...unfortunately I am not much help there which adds to my stress. He also has a bright future career wise. He will make more money. Good things fall into his lap. He can usually afford to get what he wants and things just have a way of working out for him. Of course he is not worried.

Not so for me. I claw and scratch my way for everything I get. For every dime I make. There are no windfalls or lucky breaks waiting for me around the corner and never has been so I can only count on what I make. What is. I hold on tight to what I've got and I work for everything I get because I have to. I settle for ok and don't set my sights any higher because that is all there is for me.