I Suck

I don't know why but restricting at lunch time is usually pretty easy for me. Maybe because I don't expect to eat during this time period. So, when the stomach starts rumbling my mind doesn't tell my body it should pig out. My mind never planned to eat anyways. During work days I have programmed myself to stick to my prescribed work snacks. If there are any little treats around the office I will partake but never to excess. If there is a work lunch I have the willpower to either pick at my food or order a healthy salad.

On weekends I am somehow programmed to eat lightly until 4pm. This means a PBJ, some pretzels, or other miscellaneous snacks but nothing heavy. If I find myself dining out for breakfast on a weekend to my recollection I've been pretty good about just getting an egg beater omelet and avoiding the french toast that I absolutely love. The last time I went to breakfast was when I was out of town in December; so this typically doesn't happen too often.

If I eat a meal during the day no matter how hungry I am I will not eat a second one. I might snack on string cheese or pretzels but restricting at that point is usually not a problem. I try to plan for it not to happen that I eat during the day and plan to dine out at night or vice versa but if by chance it does happen I usually have the willpower to restrict on one end or the other. No matter how hungry I am. Something about that 1 meal a day rule stops me.

The problem is when I hold out then dine out. I can starve all day and then still eat light at home but it's the dining out part after restricting all day that's been doing me in lately. This sense of entitlement that tells me I "deserve" to eat.

It is this that I am trying to work on doing a better job of controlling again.

So, I go home and weigh in at 116.5. Crap!! I gained 1.5 pounds today! I take a shower and after I get out it goes up to 117! Double crap. I gained weight in the shower? Hubby made some chinese noodle and meat thing. He is so sweet and such a good cook I would have felt terrible not eating it. So I had a small portion. I hate to see what the scale says. Jeez. I suck. I feel like I have to go #2 but as usual my body never wants to.

I am terrified of what the scale will say tomorrow. All I had was one lousy grilled chicken salad at the B day lunch. It didn't even have many toppings and had low cal dressing.