Yeah, it's Friday. I am feeling alert and awake. I got my hair done yesterday so it's bouncy and fresh. I am wearing comfy leggings and knee high black boots feeling cute. I even put a little make up on today and I have plans to get together with a friend for happy hour after work. So far so good.
Last night I got home kinda late-7:30pm because of my hair appointment. I tried to convince hubby that I would just want a sandwich because I hate eating late but he said he'd make dinner anyways and that is exactly what he did. He even waited for me to get home so we could eat together. He is such a sweetheart. He made Zatarains's dirty rice with ground beef in it. Once again he fixed my plate but we were eating out of deep bowls so it was actually hard to tell if there was a lot or not. We had some wine with it and it was yummy. Other then that I'd only had pbj, coffee, and a piece of nanna nut bread.
I did 100 crunches and had sex but I was still expecting that eating something solid so late would result in a weight gain. So this morning there was no weight gain. I was shocked. But happy of course.
I had already showered and had taken my sleeping pill when hubby got frisky last night. I wasn't really revved up for it but he is so good at getting me revved up that before I knew it I was just as into it. It's actually a really nice feeling to enjoy sex because I didn't used to. It used to seem dirty and with the ex hubby I pretty much never liked it. I used to turn him down a lot. I would feel the need to shower profusely afterwards. He was my first and for some reason I never got very comfortable with sex in that relationship. We hardly ever did it. It was like a chore. It was too messy. I didn't feel like it. There was always an excuse. I used to never have orgasms and I just didn't feel like bothering. We only had sex in the dark and would never look at each other while doing it. I always closed my eyes. Almost like so I could pretend I wasn't doing it. It was another downfall in the relationship. Towards the end I was exhausted and tired all the time from starving. I was also on anti depressants which kills your sex drive. He told me that he wasn't physically attracted to me anymore since I'd lost so much weight. It was just all bad news.
The next guy I dated after him really brought me out of my sexual shell so to speak. He may have been married [long story] and put me through hell but he was so there for me after my divorce like nobody else and he unlocked my sexuality. We are still good friends to this day!! He was very sexually open and a little bit wild. He made me feel like sex was beautiful and natural and fun. Lights on, lights off. Didn't matter. And, for the first time I could look at someone while doing it and not be embarassed. I had my first orgasm during sex with him in my late twenties while in a bathtub!!
As usual when hubby first got back sex was not good for the 1st week. I somehow think my lady part is in shock when it's been a long time. It hurt and became raw and irritated. It's almost like it's allergic or something. But once I got past that period everything has been great. I think we are well matched sexually. He doesn't want it every single day which is good. When he does want it he will usually initiate and I usually want to as well. Sex on a worknight would have been a miracle with my ex hubby!! Hubby is pretty darn good in bed and I hope I am too!! I just hope we stay good in that department because it's important.
I am totally in a good place with my sexuality and that feels good. When hubby was gone I actually felt sexually frustrated and I was glad because that meant I wanted to have sex which was not always the case. He sent me a Rabbit vibrator and let's just say, it did the trick! That thing is awesome!! I recommend it to all women who maybe have never had an orgasm, or maybe is single so not doing it, or just wants to see what it's like. I doubt I'll be using it anymore since hubby is back. It feels good to just enjoy sex and not feel shameful about it. Sex is natural and it can be such a wonderful bonding experience in a relationship. When hubby came home on leave I just cried and cried when we had sex the first couple of times because it just felt so good to be so close to him again and sharing that. I am not afraid to look him in the eye and I feel so close to him.
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