Gotta Get Back On Track

So, I woke up today a whole pound higher then yesterday and I am not a happy camper. I did eat my left over burger from the restaurant Saturday so I guess it's my own dang fault but still!! I have gotten too lax because thus far I have sort of gotten away with murder this past week in terms of my eating.

My weight fluctuates a lot within a 3 pound range. It seems to bottom out the week of and week after my period and then go back up over the next two weeks. While I don't like that I have been ok with it as long as the max weight of that range is comfortable for me. And I am at that max weight now which means that I need to really get back on track because I'm going to be very upset with anything over 116.

• I will continue with my normal work snacks throughout the day which are usually coffee, pbj, RF cheese its, Light yoplait yogurt, and if I'm really hungry a low fat granola bar.
• Today I still plan to eat my left overs from Thanksgiving for dinner which is basically Mac & Cheese, Rice, and a small piece of turkey. Sounds absolutely awful and fatty I know, but I want it and I'm not wasting it.
• Thursday I am eating Subway for dinner with hubby while we watch the Bills game.
• Friday I am going to happy hour with some girlfriends. Probably 1 beer and then a reasonable portion of whatever food I get.
• Then Sat is when I plan to up my restricting game (hubby will be gone to Vegas). I will drastically cut portions at dinner which I will continue through the work week. Other then my occasional cookie or dessert at work that's the only place that I am feeling overly indulgent on.

I am feeling really bad about the cookie I ate yesterday afternoon (instead of my granola bar) and the cookie I'm about to eat right now but I really want it. I am going to skip the cheese its and for sure the granola bar to compensate. I'll eat my yogurt after my lunch hour. When they put cookies and whatever junk out at work I usually will take one. I feel really, really weak but so far I haven't felt it's been too damaging and it makes me feel less deprived. I haven't gone #2 since Sunday which really sucks. I kind of feel full of it right now so I am hoping that will happen before the work day is over so I will feel (and hopefully be) lighter.

I'm feeling better about the hubby's flat screen TV. Medica's comment about how she is the spender but that she does it because she earns more was helpful. It makes sense. Duh!! You should enjoy things if you can afford it. I tend to hoard money. Partly because I don't make a lot and so I have to. Partly because it helps me feel in control and less stressed when I am putting money in the bank. When I used to make more I did spend more then I do now but still had that tendency to be very tight with it. Denying myself material things and food, and hoarding money is all part of what I do to feel in control and safe. I really do think though that if I made double my salary I would spend, save, be responsible, less stressed and enjoy things a lot more. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen for me but I know it would make a huge difference in my anxiety level when it comes to spending and money.