Feeling Less Wretched

Well, the awful wretchedness of the last few weeks has dwindled and I am feeling OK again. On Saturday I went to a B day dinner with a friend of mine to an Italian restaurant. It was good to get out and interact with people. When I am alone so much it often causes me to think waaay too much and sometimes that is not a good thing.

The restaurant serves food family style (no individual portions) so we split one of the entrees. It wasn't heavy meaty pasta like lasagna which was good. It was an assortment of Cheese Manicotti, Chicken Cannelloni, Baked Ravioli and Stuffed Shells and it was delicious. I ate all my food plus bread. It was plain white rolls not garlic or other such fatty bread sticks. I pondered whether or not I should have eaten less then I did. I usually will not eat all day in preparation for going out to eat but then often will over do it at the restaurant because I am so hungry and have deprived myself. I think that I am getting better about not over doing it though. I keep telling myself that just because it's my only meal for the day is not an excuse to go hog wild. Only meal or not if it's a big bad one it will still cause me to gain weight and so I usually regret it the next day. I felt a little uneasy but OK about eating all of the food because it was a reasonable portion size and my goal is not total starvation. I already know that doesn't work. It was my only food for the day aside from a PBJ for breakfast and some fat free candy. My calories for the day were still probably 1,200 at the max. Day to day I probably eat under 1,000. The next day on the scale I was pleasantly surprised that I had not gained any.

I am up to 116 which is where I want to maintain for the moment. So whereas before I was like "whatever" when I gained I am certainly not going to feel that way now. I stopped keeping a food diary this week. I have written down everything I eat consistently for going on 3 years or so. Excessive much? Mainly, it's something I do when I feel out of control in regards to my weight but I have been doing pretty well with keeping calories at a reasonable level and I am comfortable with my weight right now so I am going to save myself the trouble. It's a pain in the butt keeping track so meticulously. When and if I feel the need to start doing it again I will.

So, my goal now is to make sure I don't blow up when my hubby gets back. It'll be interesting to see how my will power holds up and how I am affected by living with a "normal" eater. I've been left to my own devices living alone for the past 3 1/2 years but all of that will change very soon.