Anxiety

I was feeling absolutely wretched today. Filled with second thoughts about the car and agonizing over money. I compare outgoing bills to what is going to come in and I honestly don't know what to do about Christmas and everything else I've got coming up. I simply need more money. I get paid once a month. I know exactly what my paycheck is going to be and that it will not be enough. I told hubby I couldn't go to Vegas. He says he really wants me to go. I am going to be a grumpy sad little witch when that weekend comes and I have to drive him to the airport. I will have just barely got him back and so having him go away for even one weekend will suck. It's just the way it has to be though 'cause I simply can't afford it and I will feel worse having him pay for me.

I am was feeling really irritable when I talked to hubby today. I am running out of minutes so we only had 30 minutes 'cause I have to save some for Thursday and Friday. I just was feeling so disgruntled and wretched. He usually can't tell though. I'll tell him I'm in a bad mood and normally he doesn't realize it. I hide it pretty well. Sometimes I am just plain old irritable and I don't want to take it out on him. I am so scared of turning into that sad depressed person I used to be. I've been crying more and feeling so anxious lately that I worry if I am falling apart a little bit here. I want to make hubby happy and I can't do that if I'm not.

I just finished watching America's Next Top Model. Sundai got eliminated. It was so sad watching her walk away. She is such a nice, sweet faced, beautiful girl and has been through a lot being a foster kid and all. It's so sad to see dreams dashed. I know how much that hurts. I am just sitting here sobbing for some reason. I am basically an emotional wreck at the moment.

Today I weighed in at 115. I am ok with that. I never expected to stay at 113.5 and that I even got there at all was a surprise. I have been pretty hungry the last few days. One EZ Mac and a string cheese for dinner every day this week. The dinner of champions. There really isn't much in the house to eat so there really aren't any options for snacking. Since last week my money anxiety has kind of taken precedence over my weight anxiety. I know that will change the minute my weight gets higher then I am comfortable with though so I better watch it. At the moment that means I am only about a pound away. If it's not one thing it's another.