I Have No Idea What I Look Like

I am 115 today so that means I lost .5. I got home last night after running around all night. I've been car hunting so by the time I get home it's been close to 7 pm or later most days this week. When it's that late I really don't want to eat. I felt I needed to eat something somewhat substantial since I really haven't for most of the week so I had a low cal Progresso soup for 200 calories. I ate my string cheese and the 3 red vines I had left. I wasn't really even thinking about food much because I was so tired and preoccupied with what's been going on this week.

When hubby left close to Eleven months ago I was 122 and now I am 115. I really don't know if the 115 will stick though. All it takes is one happy hour and it's over (although I have gotten way better at controlling my portions). I haven't been doing that at all because of my busy week.

I don't feel I look any different though and I wonder if hubby will notice. I don't really know what I look like anyways. When I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a thin girl.

I shrug it off anytime someone mentions that I am skinny. I am not thin. I am just not. It only works one way. If I loose weight then I feel like I look the same. But if I gain a few pounds oh, I can tell alright.

Back in July at the Jeans casting when the shoot stylist Bree met me she said, "Oh my gosh, you are tiny." I was about 118 at the time I think. Ok, this is a girl that works with models on a regular basis. She says this to me so you'd think it might sink in....but no. So, I am basically convinced that I can't see myself. I really have no idea what I look like. When it comes to seeing myself I am truly blind. Blinded by what, I am not sure but it is kind of a bizarre thing to realize.