Back to Work Week 2

Week 2 of work has been going much better then last week.  The stomach spasms that I thought had gone away have returned.  I hope they go away for good soon.  On a temporary basis it's not terrible but I don't want muscle spasms in the morning for the rest of my life.  Hubby has been rubbing cocoa butter on my belly every night.  God, he is so sweet.  The right steri tape is still hanging on.  I'm thinking maybe I should pull it off soon if it doesn't come off.  Sitting all day at work isn't as uncomfortable as it was last week.  I am still getting the swollen belly by end of day but it's not as bad as it was before.  I can tell I'm not totally back to normal when I feel random pains in my stomach after twisting and sitting up too much or too fast but I am making progress.

I still haven't gotten together with friends.  First it was that they would come visit me when I was still at home, then it was maybe I'd meet them somewhere the 3rd week since I didn't go back to work.  Then I went back to work and was exhausted and in pain by the time I get off and this week I just wasn't sure how I'd feel so I declined.  Now it's I'll let them know when I'm up to it.  Hubby is going out of town next weekend so I'll have plenty of time to meet up with them then.  

My mission of wearing only leggings and dresses has gone very well.  I pulled out some skirts and dresses that I already had but just never wore and I feel like I have plenty to keep me going for as long as I need to.  I really love dresses now.  Who knew? When I went back to Old Navy to return the dresses I ended up buying online for cheaper I got two shirts there (one long enough for leggings) plus a Maxi skirt at another store.  I still need to get some creme colored leggings but other then that I'm good to go.  This is actually a good thing because I was feeling so fat and disgusting when my clothes weren't fitting right.  Now I have a plethora of outfits that don't encase thighs and butt that feel too large.  Skirts and dresses hide a lot and they fit loose and that is kind of what I need right now.  Plus, mixed in with the pants I have a ton of wardrobe options and it will be nice not to feel like I'm wearing the same thing every day.

I tried on a pair of Size 2 no stretch shorts that still had the tags on from the Limited.  They were too tight as expected.  It makes me sad but I'm trying not to dwell.  If I lose 7 lbs they will fit-and so will some of the other clothes I've had to put away.  I haven't totally given up on that ever happening again.  It's actually pretty nice not to be obsessed with food anymore.  I realize now that the reason I was obsessed with food is because I wasn't allowing myself any.  The other day there was some potato salad at work.  Back in the day I would have needed to get at least a spoonful or two but I didn't want any.  I used to eat beyond stuffed because I was constantly trying to fill a hunger that wouldn't go away.  When you are blow E then you eat a lot you are still kind of at E so the satisfied feeling never seems to last and you are constantly thinking about your next meal.  I also notice a huge difference in my anxiety about dining out events.  Before I knew it would be a gain.  My metabolism was screwed so even eating normal caused a gain and then on top of that I was so hungry that I would inevitably over do it so it would be a GIANT gain.  Now, when hubby says he wants to go to breakfast I don't feel a flash of fear shoot through my body like before.  I don't starve myself all day if we go out to dinner.  There is not as much planning and calculating involved in figuring out how I'm going to juggle that outing with this dinner.  I am still weighing my foods, counting out serving sizes, counting calories and weighing every day.  Those are habits that I have to keep to feel okay.

I want a smaller body but I want to figure out a better way to get it and keep it.  I'm not too far off from that goal and 120 is a weight that I think I could maintain without screwing things up again.  We shall see.  Right now I just take it day by day and try not to gain any more weight then I already had.

Work is still incredibly busy.  Today is the first day I've been able to take a real breath but it won't last for long.  Our busiest meeting yet is next week and the work will be pouring in again very soon.  Tomorrow is gonna suck big time.  Hubby is off and I'll have to go to bed at a certain time then get out of bed and go to work while he doesn't.  It will be the first time that's happened in a long time.