Dresses and Skirts

I'm now going on 6 weeks post op and 3 weeks back at work.  On Saturday I was wearing a skinny belt well above my belly button over a dress and I had to unbuckle it twice to accommodate my swelling belly but it had been doing so much better then that all week.  Yesterday was my first feeling pretty normal at work day.  I only felt pain when I had to bend over.  Today feels worse then yesterday.  Still not bad but when I stand up after sitting for a while there is an ache in my belly.  That's kind of how it's been from the start though.  Two steps forward and then one step back but the overall trend is progress.  I'm definitely healing and it's getting better slowly but surely.  I'm still wearing skirts and dresses.  My wardrobe has almost doubled since I started wearing these things that have mostly just been sitting in my closet unworn.  I haven't even worn any of the 6 new dresses I bought at Old Navy yet. 

The steri tape on my right incision finally came off and it looks way better then the one on my left.  It's a tad bit lighter in color and it doesn't indent like the other one.  I'm kind of bummed that the one on the left didn't heal as well but at least there won't be twin scars on either side so I'm glad that one is better then the other.  If the left one lightens up over time it'll be much better.  I'm doing aloe in the morning and at night.  The swelly belly is still swelly after work but it is getting better.  The muscle spasms are still ongoing almost every morning.  I put my cell phone right next to me in the bed because if I move slow enough when the alarm goes off sometimes that keeps them from happening.  I tried laying on my belly last week for the first time.  It was okay.  I'm still not comfortable sleeping on it but hopefully soon.  Every now and then I'll look down at my belly and think oh god; what have I done to myself?  I think it's all going to get a lot better but my belly and my body really will never be the same.  There is something missing in there and that changes things.  I read a lot of horror stories and I was really freaked out prior to this but for some reason I underestimated this surgery.  It's just a tiny uterous.  It's laparoscopic.  No big deal. But it really is a big deal any time you remove an organ.  I mean, I knew that, but for some odd reason it didn't really hit me until AFTER I did it.

I've been the exact same weight for the past three days.  127.6.  Same is always better then up.  It's still really tough to get used to these high numbers and the way my body looks.  I'm really trying though.  I'm going to really focus on sticking to the 25/50/25 diet when hubby is gone.  For some reason it's easier to cook chicken and eat the same things every day when he's not here.  Not that I can't do that when he's here but he likes to make dinner, he wants me to make dinner and we just aren't going to be cooking chicken breast every day.  Me on my own though-it's just easier.  I feel like I pretty much eat whatever I want right now and what I want is real and healthy food.  Not a whole lot of junk.  Just some junk.  And no out of control eating.  I eat and then I can stop when I'm full instead of continuing like it's my last meal. 

I really did hit the jackpot with my husband.  He is so much smarter and more motivated then me.  He finished up his Bachelor's last year and now he's talking about his Master's.  He says you constantly need to be improving and going for the next thing.  He doesn't believe in being stagnant.  Which is pretty much what I am.  I got my BA 10 years ago and I haven't done a damn thing to improve myself or my position in life since.  I guess I don't want to because if I did I would have figured something out and done it.  He got a big raise this year and expects to get another next year too.  My raises are only about $50 per month for the next 3 years until I max out and then it will be $0.  He is so kind and so generous and I'm kind of a selfish bitch sometimes.  He is definitely my better half and I love him to pieces.  I just hope there doesn't come a day when he starts to think he could've done better which is basically what I think right now.  If I were progressing and making more money imagine where we could be financially?  He wants to buy another house.  I don't think we can afford it and there is nothing that I can do to change that.  My paycheck is  my paycheck and that's what I have to offer.  It's not changing.  I'm definitely the weak link.  He is pretty much my world.  I can't stand it when he's upset with me.  I don't want to  even imagine a world in which he doesn't look at me with love in his eyes.  The day that happens is also the day my world ends.  He just means so much to me.
I am going to miss him so much.  He leaves on Saturday and I seriously can't believe it.  I'm so attached to him; especially more so over these last 6 weeks since surgery.  I haven't done anything with friends and nothing outside of work that doesn't include him.  It happens every year and I thought I had gotten used to it for the most part but I feel sadder about him leaving this time then I have in a while.