It Just Keeps Getting Worse

Things are pretty bad weight wise.  Just when I think it can't get worse it does.  Except I kinda knew it could but maybe I was just in denial that it wouldn't.  I was actually really doing well with maintaining 121-122 range mostly.  Still no real loss, but I was okay with at least not gaining.  I went to my parent's house for the weekend and got totally thrown off my game.  They eat so much over there and they have so many snacks around the house.  Calorie wise I never went over 1,500 but for my body that is way too much.  Thursday 122.4, Friday 123.4 and Today 124.6.  The highs just keep getting higher.  I was retaining water pretty bad over the weekend and based on an early trip to the bathroom today I'm hoping I'll shed what is hopefully water weight over the next few days.

There were a few glimmers of hope over the last month.  I saw 119 on July 14th and 120 on July 20th randomly but it was always up the next.  It's just not looking good for me.  My husband is out of town so I'm totally in control of my destiny for the next 4 weeks or so which makes me feel better.  I know I have to keep eating.  Not eating is not really an option because that tends to make me gain even more. I finished the 30 day shred.  No weight loss of course.  That would be asking way too much.  But I did improve the muscle definition in my legs and abs.  I'm still going to continue to do her videos mixed in with some cardio.  

I feel so fat.  I feel like I'm about ready to bust out of my clothes.  I went shopping over the weekend and fit into sizes between 0-7.  I don't know what the hell to think.  My sister is wearing 9/10's.  Compared to her I am skinny but I still feel like I look terrible.  I just feel really disgusting about my body and sad that I weigh so much now and am powerless to make it stop.

I'm still totally unmotivated at work.  I literally am counting down the hours and the minutes every day.  The busy time is going to be upon us soon so I'll have no choice but to get moving.  Maybe that will be a good thing to at least make the time go faster but I'm feeling pretty burnt out.