I feel like a complete idiot. We just had a meeting at work and I had absolutely no clue what was going on. My co worker on the other hand is super smart. When information is presented she takes it in, processes it and is able to understand it on the spot. Or at least know enough to ask questions until she does understand. Me on the other hand. Totally clueless. It's not rocket science but it was like they were speaking another language. I faked it. I pretended to know what was going on but I really didn't. I'm going to have to go through everything on my own so that I can even begin to understand what went down. It's another reason why I'm not cut out to have a "real" career and why I won't ever make a lot of money. I'm just not as sharp as I would need to be for that. I'm a good employee. I'm organized. I have good ideas. I'm not 100% idiot just part idiot.
It's funny how that meeting that was right after our employee awards ceremony where I was actually a nominee for outstanding employee of the year. Shocking. Anybody can nominate anybody so it's not that big of a deal but your name goes on the program and you are recognized. In order to win the award you have to get the most votes out of all the nominees. I did not win. I was mostly happy about that because I did not want to give a speech. I hate public speaking. That's another area that I am weak in terms of having a career goes. You really can't be afraid to speak in front of people and you need to be confident in your knowledge and abilities. So anyways. There's that.
I'm having a hard time staying motivated at work. We have all been put through the ringer this year with such an incredible work load. The busy time is over but there is still work to be done and am I'm having a hard time pushing myself to do it. I'm sleepy. I feel like I could fall asleep any minute. I'm almost off thank god.
I did a toning work out video at home yesterday so my legs are killing me. I decided to skip the gym. Mondays are rough because half the time I don't get enough sleep on Sunday nights. I never want my weekend to be over. I've pretty much eaten only sugar today. There have been some sweet treats around the office and then the award ceremony so in order to make up for it I have eaten nothing else. No wonder I'm so tired and sluggish. It would be really nice if my body did not retain so much water. It's a real killer for me lately. It doesn't even seem to be because of what I ate half the time. It happens even when my sodium intake is low AND when I guzzle water. It's so annoying. I haven't gained all the weight back that I lost from the juice fast. I have regained most of it which is no surprise. It doesn't help that my body is a sponge so half the time I can't tell if it's just retention or real weight. It really messes with my mind. I drink so much and it seems like hardly nothing comes out. It pisses me off.
I'm so over excessive snacking. It mostly happens when I watch TV. I feel like total crap when I realize that all I've done is sit there and stuff my face. It's like I can't stop. When I'm watching a show I like I must eat. Yesterday I had two decent meals and did not snack at all. I didn't even want to. Why? Because I was actually sated. Most of the time I'm starving so I reach for the snacks and then end up consuming equal to or more then the calories I would have consumed if I'd just eaten a real meal. It's ridiculous really. It's something I seriously need to work on. That and toning. I'm so tired of cardio. It's not getting me anywhere anyways. I want to work on weights at the gym more often. I also want to do the 30 day shred that everyone is talking about. I was so intent on getting cardio days in that I wouldn't even consider it but I think I need a change. I'm totally willing to do maybe one gym day a week and then do the shred every other day.
Oh, and I went shopping AGAIN! I'm such a shopaholic. I had a gift certificate at one place and a $10 coupon at another. I didn't spend a lot but still. I said I'd take a break. I feel so out of control and I don't like it.
Well, that's my word dribble for the day. I figure if I just write what I'm thinking, don't worry about where it's going per se and just hit publish maybe I'll start posting more often again. I still really feel like I want to revamp this one. I just want it to look different but I haven't figured out what to do with it.
I think we all have days where the meetings just don't make sense.. Don't be so hard of your self :)
ReplyDeleteI am focusing on getting my meals and snacking under control too - and I have decided to keep my snacks to low cal fruits like berries, and veg like bell-pepper, cucumber ect. maybe try something like that?
Oh and I have probably said this before, but if I had your body, i would probably shop more than you do hehe.. Don't you just love it ? - I even love the smell of some stores..
PS: what sort of revamping are you thinking about? - If you decide to make another blog, please make sure to let me know.. I would miss you and your posts a whole lot if you moved without telling :)
ReplyDelete30 Day Shred is good, but it gets very boring and repetitive. I just use it when I cant get out of the house because of the kids or something.
ReplyDeleteI like the new blog look!!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, don't be too hard on yourself. You're not an idiot. You may have been having an off day, or your strengths lie somewhere else, either way, don't be so hard on yourself. There are ways that you excel that your co-worker doesn't.
I really like 30 day shred. It can be a little repetitive, but because she does circuits I don't mind it as much as other workouts. Though I find that I know all her dumb jokes before she says them. If you get that far just put her on mute! :) Ripped in 30 is good too, there are 4 workouts for the month instead of 3, so you don't repeat as much.