Going back to work was rough. My job itself isn't bad it's just getting back into that work mode mindset after gallivanting around Europe for 15 days that was really hard. I couldn't believe I had a job. What, you mean I have to work? Of course the answer is yes if I ever intend to go on vacation ever again or you know, pay my bills. There was a lot to do and it felt overwhelming but I dug in, got it done and got caught up. I'm fully assimilated back to the working stiff lifestyle.
I put $1,000 on my credit card and spent $200 in cash on vacation. Way more then I expected. CRAZY!! Two hundred of it I'm not counting because it was for the one hotel that wasn't pre paid and already accounted for in my expenses. That brings the total expenditure for this vacation from $2,300 to $3,300 bucks! That's a hell of a lot of money for 15 days. Was it worth it? YES!! For the rest of this month and next month I intend to spend as little money as possible because Christmas is right around the corner and at some point I need to replace the struts on my car which is supposed to cost about $600. I want to build up my reserves of extra money. I got my $300 reimbursement check for books and school fees for the classes I took. The timing on that was perfect at least. After pay day I'll have enough to pay the card off and still have money left over in my checking so I'm just going to do that, be done with it and start fresh.
I've lost less then a pound in the seven days since I've been back. Ha! I have to laugh at it to keep from crying. I've been to the gym 3 times and doing my best to watch the intake. It feels hopeless. I'm up to 120.2 lbs and yes it is "real" weight. It's not budging. If I want to get to 114 I have to lose 6 lbs and 8 lbs if I ever want to see 112 lbs which is pretty much not something I think will ever happen again. It might not seem like a lot. Actually, it's not a whole lot. That's less then 10 lbs but it's nearly impossible to lose even 1 lb so for me it's a lot. I'm trying not to get too discouraged. The bottom line is that I have no margin for error at all. Even one slip up is going to be extremely damaging for me right now. It takes a minimum of two weeks for my body to even begin to respond to restricting. I am preparing myself for the reality that if I am to lose the weight it will take a really long time and I will have to stay disciplined or else it definitely won't happen. It's strange. I have little hope of getting down to 114 or 112 but at the same time I can't stop fighting for it. I told hubby that he better not bother me at all about what I eat for two weeks after we get back. I don't want any pressure or anything to do with organizing dinner. He's kept his word. And have eaten something at dinner time every night it's just that some nights it's been an apple, string cheese and raisins or a PBJ. One night he made spaghetti and I did have a small serving but it's so freeing to not have the pressure of having to. That's what I need right now...and I would love that forever if he'd let me. I'm clearly not in any danger of withering away. It would help my case but I'm actually embarrassed to tell him I can't lose a single pound in a week when he lost four in a few days.
Since we've been back I've been in a really good mood. Going back to work sucked but I think vacation was the break I needed from day to day life to get refreshed. When things are messy around the house I'm not too bothered by it. I hope this sticks because it's way too stressful to care so much about the house being neat when your husband doesn't. I am like madly obsessed with him right now. I worship the ground he walks on basically. He can (almost) do no wrong. I'm just filled with overwhelming love for him. I'm so happy to see him when I come home and I can't get enough of hugging and kissing him. It is kind of odd but the majority of the time I am madly deeply obsessed in love with my husband. That is my normal. The first time that feeling wasn't there it scared me and made me feel like I was falling out of love with him. It felt flat but in all actuality it was just the typical normal. People generally aren't madly obsessed with their partner 24/7 365 a year and aside from little moments here and there I basically was for the first three years of our relationship. I didn't know what it was not to feel that way. I've never experienced love like this with anyone and it's great but I had to realize it isn't always going to be that high and that's OK. I'm learning that it's all part of the natural ebb and flow of our relationship.
Yes, I do have pictures to share! I'll be posting them soon.
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