Not A Bad Weekend

So it turns out hubby was mad at me Wednesday night for not making him a salad.  He gave me the silent treatment that night and we didn't cuddle in bed. It didn't strike me as something particularly horrible but after I said no I could tell that something was off between us and knew immediately why.  Thursday night so as to make peace I picked up Subway after the gym.  Normally it's what I would call my get out of dinner free night because he has basketball but I knew that if he came home and there was no food provided that he was going to be upset.  We talked about it.  It seems like he asks me to do stuff just for the hell of it and he knows how I hate kitchen stuff.  It's his thing not mine.  He said that he wouldn't have asked if he didn't need the help.  I also think my reasoning is that I never ask for help so that I can't understand it when he does.  I can't figure out why he'd ask me to do something he can do himself because that's what I do.  Even if I was working out or I got home late I'm not going to ask him to make me a sandwich.  I can do it myself.  That's just me being very independent I guess.  I also did tell him that he needs to do a better job with meal planning.  He knows he'll be out Thursday late so why not plan ahead for food?  It does make me feel a little bad that I don't have home cooked meals hot and ready for him all the time or even half the time but I do everything else in the house.  He really can feed himself and I'm sorry but food is just going to have to be his deal.  I obviously have issues with it.  I could care less about food half the time and he knows it.  This could be the one thing that he is in charge of besides taking the trash bins out.  I said I'd start to do some cooking and I have.  I plan the day to cook and I do it but outside of that....I just don't want to be bothered.  I know I need to work on being more thoughtful of his needs.  I don't think I should be responsible for having dinner ready every Thursday just  because he chooses to play basketball but I should have some consideration that it just might be a nice thing to take care of food that night period.  Instead of just plotting ways to avoid it.  Friday night I made stir fry with beef strips as I planned.  I think I'm off his black list but I do need to be more aware of his needs at least some of the time even if they do have to do with the dreaded kitchen.

I'm learning to be okay with maintaining even though what I really want is a loss.   I used to consider  maintenance a total fail and was only satisfied with losing but I have learned that even maintenance can be a gift.  I maintained 115 for three days in a row and I was actually happy just to see that I didn't gain.  It's a hell of a lot better then all the gains that have been going on so I'll take it. 

Things could have been very bad for me on Saturday.  A dining out day  usually is just because lately even if I do eat more then usual but still not so bad I still end up with a major gain.  Saturday morning I had string cheese and 1/2 cup of Fiber one and some pretzels.  For lunch it was Panera with the family.  I got a Chicken Cobb Salad with the reduced fat dressing and it came with a 2.5 oz piece of french bread.  It was my mom's B Day so we had cake and ice cream.  I had 2 mini cupcakes (the serving size was three) and 1/2 cup of light ice cream.  Later I snacked on some crackers and Olive Tapanade.  I had about 4 oz of wine.  Total cals:  1,290.  It's way more calories then I'd normally eat on any given day but it was controlled and I wasn't feeling overly full at any time.  

Sunday I had to battle with the munchies.  It was a rainy gray day and I basically spent the whole day lazing around on the couch.  When I'm watching my shows on TV I want to be munching on something almost the whole time.  It's like this compulsion and I literally have to force myself to stay out of the kitchen and away from the pretzels.  It's such a terrible habit.  We go through bags of pretzels because of me.  I buy new bags on the down low to replenish the supply so he won't notice so much.  Ironically, I ate less on Sunday but I gained.  Only 0.5 which is okay and I'm still lower on a Monday then I've been in a while.  I feel as though I'm not retaining water like I usually am.  I drink and I pee.  The BM's have been every four days which is not so great but it's better then not at all.

Yesterday was the first Monday in a while that I've not done horrifically over the weekend and was in major damage control mode.  Since my weight isn't sky high after a pig out weekend hopefully I can make some progress.  I'm doing heavy cardio this week.  I did an hour on the elliptical yesterday and dropped 1.5 over night.  My calorie budget went from 822 to 1060.  I was happy to see 114.0 today but if I've learned nothing else it's to not get my hopes up about a nice loss.  I'm taking it meal by meal.     

This weeks challenge is dinner out on Friday with hubby AND dinner and dancing out on Saturday.  I HATE it that this is back to back and normally I would not allow such a thing but it's the way it worked out.  I promised hubby a steak dinner.  We aren't going to go on a Tuesday so that means it'll be Friday.  I'm trying not to let the timing on this freak me out too badly.  Instead of being freaked out I just need to channel that anxiety into some self control.  Control is always the goal after all.

I am freezing to death.  The plug on my space heater and the outlet on the power strip that I plug it into was turning black and started smoking yesterday.  That can't be good.  I didn't want to start an office fire so I unplugged it and I won't be using it anymore.  I went to Target on my lunch break and they aren't even carrying them anymore!  I'll have to order one online.  I need to replace the power strip too because it's a fire hazard.  Only problem is the ONE outlet in my entire office is behind my giant 3 part immovable desk.  I can't unplug the damn thing to replace it with a new one.  Facilities is probably going to have to cut a hole in my desk for access to the outlet.  So I sit here huddled under a  blanket and wearing gloves with the fingers cut out so I can type.  This sucks.