It feels amazing to be done with my two classes. It was pretty much awful even with picking the easiest two online classes I could find. School as a working adult is not for me. Thank goodness I got my BA when I was fresh out of high school. I did my 12 units and I'll apply for my pay bump in May. Done.
Last night I almost got the silent treatment from my husband again. He made Chicken Breast on Monday night for Tuesday. I came home and said I didn't want to eat it, I have a craving for PBJ. Never mind that it's what I ate for dinner on Monday and Tuesday. I start making my sandwich. I'm determined to eat what I want. He gets mad. Will you give me the silent treatment again if I don't eat Chicken? Yes. So, I put the sandwich in the fridge and put the pretzels in a baggy and heat up the chicken and broccoli. I don't know why I'm so stubborn and bitchy when it comes to my food. I don't even have a "real" eating disorder and food wars have had an impact on my relationship. The ironic thing about it is that the meal he made had less calories then the one I wanted to eat. I just have this tunnel vision when it comes to the procurement and devouring of food. I want what I want when I want it and I don't want to be told anything different. Thank goodness I ate the chicken. I knew immediately that my PBJ was not worth it and I told him so.
Monday 115.5, Tuesday 114, Wednesday 112.5. What the heck? I'm used to the scale going in the other direction. I can make no sense of it myself. Yeah, I burned about 600 calories on Monday and yesterday at the gym but still. I've gone to the gym 3 days in a row heavy cardio within the last three weeks and barely cracked a pound of weight loss. I'm not one to pass the blame and I take responsibility for my fatness or overall failure but man oh man it was rough and I think that my birth control was a factor. I think the month of switching to my old birth control really did me in. I used some old ones because I didn't refill my current Rx in time. For the month of February I was taking this other pill and my belly felt positively rounded. My stomach is usually flat until I get closer to my period. I had a pooch for most of the month which is why I stopped taking them in the first place. Not that I wasn't having issues in the month of January with my weight loss but February was when my numbers just kept getting higher and higher. My body was just retaining and holding onto everything. Like out of control. I upped my work outs and they still stayed high. I'd restrict and gain, I'd eat just a little bit too much and gain even more! My body was fighting me so hard. I couldn't win for losing and I've been feeling just terrible. I really need this right now. I was at my wits end. My work outs for the week are done. I'm going to do my best to keep my eats reasonable so I can hold onto at least some of this weight loss. Dang...I'm starving right now. I ate my PBJ from last night for breakfast with some coffee. Then I had my usual 1/2 cup Fiber one dry. I might go get a yogurt to tide me over until I get home closer to 7pm. We're having salad tonight.
Oh, and K. Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I've been feeling like the biggest failure lately and that made me smile.
I think it feels good to accomplish even the smallest tasks! So way to go with your classes :). I think sometimes in marriage it's just hard to let someone tell you what to do. You are a unit, and you din't want to lose yourself. LOl if that makes any sense
ReplyDeleteWow awesome job Miranda!! Don't second guess what the scale says. You've been working your butt on these past few days and the scale is reflecting that.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your food issues and wanting to be in control of what you eat and when. I get very defensive when other people (friends, family) choose my meals or try and get me to share a dish with them without really asking me if that's what I feel like eating. I think it's really all about just being in control of your foods. Anyway, great job. Keep it up!
Great job on the weight lose! I'm soo jealous.. I wish I was down to the weight you are at.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up your doing great.
OMG :) Gz on the loss - and yaay for being done :)
ReplyDeleteI read your post the other day but was busy after being away from work for 3 days and did not want to rush a comment. I did not realize you were taking on line classes also. I am enrolled in an online school too. it is hard balancing work and fam and school congrats on your classes. I take one class every 5 weeks and really do not think I could do two at once.
ReplyDeleteI love reading about your loss progress it makes me feel like there is still hope for me. I just need to be more determined like you.
Marriage is hard. some the time I walk on eggshells and give in just to avoid a fight. the only bad thing is that i end up resenting my decision to do so and it leads to me secretly being mad at my hubby and he doesnt even know it. I do have to say i am a bit jealous that he will cook dinner. I cant think of the last time my hubby even thought about cooking anything for us lol.
hope you have a good weekend and thanks for all the great comments you leave me talk later.
I've never really had problems with my husband being upset about eating or not eating certain foods. I guess that's because I do most of the cooking. (Well, I did before I we moved in with his parents.)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the loss!
~MLM