Hubby went out of town last week Monday and Tuesday and was back by Wednesday night. I missed him but I was happy to be left alone to not eat. When he came back I felt flat. He was still my same sweet, sexy husband but I wasn't all goo goo ga ga like I usually am over him. Nothing had changed. I was just flat. Whenever this happens it's sort of a weird feeling for me because I am so super in love with my husband that I have incredibly strong feelings for him all the time. Yes, he annoys me sometimes with his careless and messy ways but overwhelmingly there is just this constant wave of love welling up inside of me for him. When it's not there it's not that I don't feel love for him but it's just not bursting. I guess that's just the up and down ebb and flow that is natural in relationships. I'm not sure why it ever left but it didn't last for long and three days later it's already back. He's out playing Basketball with his friends and I can't wait 'till he gets back so I can give him a big hug and kiss.
I can be a bit of a nagging bitch at times but I'm trying to curb that and I think I am getting better. The key for me is just realizing that when he leaves his crap all over the place it is not a personal assault on me. He's not trying to hurt me or annoy me. He just doesn't see it. It doesn't bother him and yes...he is just careless that way while I'm a super uptight neat freak. I'm loosening up slowly but surely. He is who he is and he's tried to do a little better and that just needs to be good enough for me. Some things are out of my control and I have to pick my battles. He's such a great guy and he doesn't deserve to be picked at all the time.
Our sex life is all but gone. We haven't had sex this year!!! He hasn't initiated. I haven't either. Life is busy and sometimes sex is just a chore. I don't want it to be that way and I love the way it feels when we do have sex but I'm trying not to be concerned that it isn't happening. I don't feel that it's an indicator of the strength of our relationship. Our relationship is great. My sister and her husband have sex all the time and their relationship is crap. I do think that we should be having sex but I don't think it has to mean anything is wrong. I trust him and it's not even a question in my mind that maybe he's getting it from someone else.
I can also be pretty selfish. There are times where I don't feel like helping him do something or I don't want to make an effort to do something extra special for him. Last night for example. I didn't feel like going to get him food when he was on his way home from helping his friend put together a play set. He was tired, hungry and it had been a long day and long drive. It actually made more sense for him to stop and get it but if it made it easier that he didn't have to stop and he could come home shower and eat then there is no reason for me not to get off my butt and go do it. I wasn't doing anything. I felt good about doing it and if I'd been a bitch and said no I woulda felt like crap. He's been trying to work out on this new program and get his healthy meals cooked and I haven't even helped him out much. Well, all but twice when he asked. I pretty much never cook. I'm not the type of wife that he can come home to and know that dinner will be started. Part of it is my aversion to food and part of it is just that I don't really like cooking. I can justify it a bit because I do all of the cleaning in the house but still. I should be more willing to step up and cook. I was doing pretty good last year and then it faded away and all but disappeared when we had plans, I was busy with the gym and class then the holidays. Since he's on his own diet plan he started in January I don't offer to cook anything and half the time I try to plot my way out of eating what he does cook. Anyhow, I want to do better. No matter how you slice it food is important and feeding your husband is a way of nurturing and showing love. I want to be a helpful wife that does things for her husband in other areas too. I feel better about myself when I do for him. I feel like crap when I get lazy and weasel my way out of something in favor of sitting on my butt in front of the TV. He makes me so happy. He's just so wonderful and he deserves to have an awesome wife. I want to be that for him. He's changed my life so much for the better. It's the least I could do.
That's something I really want to try to continue to work on this year. I'm not saying I'm a bad wife but I could certainly do better.
I used to cook a lot for my husband, but since our issues have gotten worse I longer do... However, I, like you, am not a person who cooks. So in an effort to please my husband and be the "good wife" I learned how to cook - sorta. I tried out different recipes using allrecipes.com. Check it out! ... Good luck with the cooking adventures!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be too worried - no one is perfect, and relationships do naturally ebb and flow. I think that the fact you even recognize all this is really important. Just feeling that you want to/should do something special for him is the first step. Not every day has to be epically specially, but think about when he does something little for you - it's the little things that really matter in the long run, right? What about surprising him with dinner this week? I don't mean to say that I have all the answers, but in my experience, little things always help.
ReplyDeleteAs always, thanks for the encouragement. I was really careful to plan out my yoga classes to use them in the allotted time period, by the way. I wanted to use every last one.
Aww you sound like a very good wife to me! you can recognize the things you want to work on, and can see the things your husband is working on and improving at. You two sound like you have a relationship with a good foundation, built for the long haul. :D <3RaeLynn
ReplyDeletehave you ever considered talking to him about your sex life? i know it can be an awkward conversation, but he is your best friend and you should be able to talk about anything
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this soo well.. My husband doesn't travel that much - but still -it's not always I feel all "gaga" when he gets back either..
ReplyDeleteOur sex life is also pretty much not there.. We have been wanting, but we are so tired.. Or I am normally not in the mood :S (that sounds so mean - when I write it down)..
Like you, I am crazy about him.. And don't want anyone but him.. And I know for a fact that he wouldn't ever be getting it anywhere else.. but sometimes - I just can't..
the whole situation is really frustrating.. and I really hope we figure it out..
I don't have the cooking issue - I don't mind cooking for him - I enjoy cooking, but I have been more and more "a bitch" since I always have to make the decision about what he is going to have for him.. Im not his fucking mum lol and I have enough with my own eating issues...
Anywho - I think at the end of the day, what they want is that we love them and try to show it to them.. and as long as we try our best - is all what they can ask for , isn't it?
take care of you <3
I totally know how you feel. I often have the same feelings about my boyfriend. I'm sure you love your husband alot and hopefully you don't feel so flat so much anymore :)
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