It's that time again. It starts at around 11:30am. They start leaving the office to go get their precious food. I am assaulted by delicious aromas of lunch being consumed all around me. I sit in my office and hear soda pop cans snap open and someone munching on something crunchy across the way. The microwave is whirring and emitting what smells like some kind of delightful carbohydrate filled Italian dish. I see them at their desks unwrapping sandwiches, snapping the lid off of food containers and opening Tupperware filled with left overs. As they munch away happily on their lunch I sit here with a growling empty stomach. I alternate between feeling superior for my ability to not be one of the herd running to get food and feeling plain old sad and deprived that I don't get to eat. The toast and coffee that I had for breakfast is long gone and I already know that my 1/2 cup of Fiber 1 and yogurt is only going to make the tiniest of dents in the growing void that is my belly. I will hold out if I can. If I get weak and the dull ache becomes too much I will allow myself an additional snack of Fiber 1 bar or a 90 calorie brownie around 3pm. I'll pop a piece of gum in my mouth shortly before I leave work to keep my mouth busy and distract me from the hunger. I must hold out until I get home where I will deliberate and contemplate what to eat or munch on to get me through the rest of the night.
I've been a non lunch eater for years now. If something pops up in the office I will partake as minimally as possible or if hubby wants to meet for lunch I will begrudgingly go but other then that I can't remember the last time I made eating lunch a part of my daily routine at work or otherwise. When I say lunch I mean an actual lunch and not just my typical assortment of light snacks. It started when I used to work at my old job years and years ago. I was always into saving money so I was never one for buying something every day but I always had something. I used to bring a frozen entree or a sandwich with snacks on the side. Normal things. Then, slowly it got whittled down to graham crackers and diet soda at best. The only exception was that twice a month when we got an hour lunch instead of 30 minutes on pay days my co worker and I did lunch. Lunchtime for me disappeared a long time ago and a couple of jobs later not much has changed. I try to consume as little calories as possible during the day and usually stick to the same "work snacks" every day. As far as food is concerned every work day feels like a test of willpower. Just another day to get by on as little food as possible; especially crucial when there is dinner at home or dinner out planned for later. The busier I am the less I notice it...so the last very slow couple of months have been excruciating at times. I get through it by looking ahead to eating pretzels, light ice cream, string cheese or whatever else I'm allowing myself to eat when I finally get home and can relax.
I have a free sandwich coupon I'm planning to use for a chicken sandwich at McDonald's tonight. Of course I can't just roll up to a fast food place on a whim and pick up dinner like other folks. It must be planned and obsessed over like anything else I put into my mouth. I've been thinking about using this for weeks and have waited until the very last moment to do it. The time never seems to be right to plan on eating a decent and hearty meal. I have two, they expire on Saturday and I want to use them. The chicken sandwich is 300 calories plain and if I indulge on a small fry for 230 that's a 530 calorie dinner. Not terrible. Not the end of the world. And it certainly fits into my budget since I'll be half starved by the time dinner time rolls around. I can already taste the salty heat of the fries. I deserve it right? It's been a long time since I had a thing from any fast food place. I've worked out hard the last three days and got myself back down to the safe zone-112.5 lbs. The very reason I deserve it (my weight is good) is also the very reason I'm scared to have it (my weight is good). Food is something to be considered and often feared. Not just eaten.
I can already feel that dull ache in my belly spreading to my head but that's the way it goes for me. I don't get to eat lunch or dinner or breakfast for that matter like other people. I've done my best to balance normal eating and normal meals with restriction but my eating habits still would not considered "normal." I only have so many calories to work with. I choose to be skinny and along with that comes certain sacrifices. Regular meals on a regular basis just so happens to be one of them.
Ahhh... I envy people who can eat lunch without hesitation. How do you manage to not eat lunch everyday without people asking why? And if they do ask, what's your answer? In the near future I will have to deal with the same scenario and I'm looking for ways to avoid lunches with peeps. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same with lunch. I just never eat it unless I absolutely have to. I always feel it is too early in the day to eat which my friends think is crazy.
ReplyDeleteHow I envy people who just order meals and don't put any thought into calories.
I so know how you feel. I don't eat until at least 5 most days, just coffee and water or a diet pop. My co-workers are always ordering in: Jimmy Johns, Pizza Hut... ugh. And they give me such an annoying look when I turn them down AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember what it feels like to just eat and forget about it.
My office-mate (two desks in one office) eats a snack like every hour AND takes a lunch. She always has something out on her desk - Starbucks danish, a bagel, apples, grapes, yogurt, pretzles, chips and a coke. It's constant and then she goes to lunch. She also complains about gaining weight. It is maddening.
ReplyDeletewhen I went down to slim a soups for lunch I used to get so annoyed when i saw a colleague who was slimmer than me munching down a microwave meal of either lasagne or another cheesy pasta dish every single day! She didn't do any exercise either, the rest of her family are exactly the same but it's so annoying that most of us have to work really hard at it whilst others get it for free. meh. The hunger aches are best when you're busy because you can't nip off to indulge your craving, the sitting around is tough because it really does consume your thoughts. xx
ReplyDeletei rarely eat lunch too, because except my home i can't trust restaurant or fast food restaurant's food
ReplyDeletei usually bought skim yogurt, and i don't feel hungry anymore until dinner :D
I was ALWAYS like this when I worked in a office. Never partook in lunch if I could avoid it.
ReplyDeleteI used to rub vix vapor rub under my nose so I would smell it instead of lunch-time smells.
That sounds hard. I suppose I am lucky I get to eat lunch at home. Rough!
ReplyDeleteCally C, you're a genius! I'm going to start bringing Vicks to work with me :) My workplace is awful; twice a day everyone goes down to the cafeteria together, where the company has provided fresh-baked cookies, or pie, or pudding...! Occasionally there's some fat-free yogurt there too, but normally it's pretty scary :( You guys are so right though; people just shovel the things in without a second thought. How do they *do* that?!
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