It's Over

So is this the part where I get tired and accept defeat? Where I just accept that it's over? That my body will no longer cooperate and that I can no longer be as light as I want to be? The writing seems to be on the wall. I had a good run for a while staying down around 115 but it seems to be over. At least for now. My body seems to be telling me it's just not going to do it anymore and it wants to go back to it's original fatness. Just when I was actually starting to feel like one of the lucky ones. The skinny ones.

I held onto 117 until this morning. I am back up to 118 and it feels absolutely horrible. It's my own fault. Yesterday I did well but there have just been too many mistakes. I feel like I don't want to give up yet though. I don't want to accept this weight. I want to feel skinny and right now I feel far from it. It's amazing how just 3 pounds can make all the difference in the world. This is higher then even after a couple weeks of vacation eating. How sad is that. I'm just fat and feeling out of control. Like my body won't listen to me and there is nothing I can do about it.

I am exhausted. I am working at 7am for the next two weeks adding an extra hour onto every workday in the morning so I can be off next Friday. I can barely keep my eyes open and it's not even 8am. My stomach feels a little upset. Hubby things it's because I took 6 Metamucil's. I am definitely going to get the Activia this weekend. I brought some grapes to eat for lunch instead of cheese its. The thought of those just made my stomach turn. Hopefully my stomach will settle down after I eat my sandwich.

I don't care how hungry I get today I am not giving in. I will restrict. I have to. If I don't get back on track starting right here and right now I might as well just forget about it.