Where I'm At

I was 135 something before Hawaii.  After we got back from Hawaii I was just under 1 lb heavier than I was the day I left and then two days later it went down further but didn't stay that low for long. I did not track calories at all the entire time and it was awesome.  I just ate what I wanted when I wanted without regard to calories.   It was different, good and so needed. 

I had so much fun.  Having our mother's along with us was fine.  My mom is awesome, but his.  Well, she's a little bit of a piece of work.  She runs her mouth constantly.  She likes to talk a lot more than she likes listening.  My mom got stuck with her a lot and for that I am grateful.  Towards the beginning I tried to engage with her, but she wore me out.  It was to the point where I didn't even want to start up a conversation with her because it wouldn't end.  She is constantly talking about people and proclaiming how she does things and she did this and she did that.  She is a bit of a know it all, high and mighty and seems to enjoy drama.  I think she even faked an injury on our hike to try to get attention from her son.  She is heavy set and out of shape.  My mom is older and in much better shape then her.  We were leaving her behind and I think she wanted an excuse (besides being out of shape) for being so slow.  We all wanted to relax on the beach and sleep or read or just enjoy the scenery but she doesn't seem to know how to do that.  Her own son refuses to have a conversation with her.  He says she is negative, complains too much, is fake, talks too much, and is an attention seeker.  My husband just doesn't have the patience for it.  He loves her, and he will talk to her on the phone but I couldn't even get him to do one 20 minute conversation with her.  And I can't say that I blame him.  Towards the end she started making little backhanded jabs at me.  I tried to be neutral, but there were moments that we clashed and so the less conversation I had with her the better.  There are certain people that I just can't talk to because they are so fundamentally different.  My brother in law is one of them.  I kinda got that impression a little bit over the last year in phone conversations with her but this trip amplified it.  There is something about the dynamic of the interaction with her that does not work and I end up annoyed and/or feeling unheard.  Initially, I really wanted her to like me.  I wanted to be that sweet daughter in law to her perfect son, but I just can't with her.  I think we both like each other less after the trip than before and I'm going to have to be okay with that. 

I'm having a hard time transitioning back to life back to reality.  I've been super tired.  I need to get to bed earlier.  It sucks that my sleeping pills quit working on me.  

A funny thing happened the week I got back.  I noticed that I was looking trimmer and leaner in my back and muffin top area.  Measurements, progress photos and slightly looser fitting jeans confirmed it.  I'm leaning out a little bit.  My weight hasn't changed much over the last 14 weeks or but it seems my body composition is shifting.  I have not maintained the new lows that I've been seeing but that I ever saw them at all and that the highs have gotten lower is an indicator that progress is being made.  I only exercised once last week.  I did one BBG work out.  I needed a break.  This week I'm starting up again doing Ripped in 30.  I want to stick to 3 work outs per week minimum + a day of HIIT if I'm feeling ambitious because when I was doing the BBG I discovered that I really like it.  I was thinking of shifting over to Yoga or Pilates because for a break because BBG was so intense but my body isn't where it needs to be yet.  I need more time doing intense circuits and hopefully I will be able to make more progress.

I'm fed up with the production that is cooking and prepping food.  The meticulous eating schedule is done.  The careful micromanaging of macros is exhausting and I'm over it.  My sister wanted to know what macros I was doing and I was just like, I'm not.  It's 1,500 calories and I try to keep the fats down.  That's it.  I'm tired of trying to shove in all that protein and low carb never did a thing for me except make me pee all the time and make me hungry.  My body craves carbs and I'm tired of denying it what it needs.  I cannot eat all that protein so I am simply going to be eating more carbs.  I'm tired of trying to get the macros in line with the calorie budget.  At the end of the day all the stressing, research, scheming and switching up of macros didn't even matter.  My metabolism was screwed and the egg thing was messing me up too.  Until that was fixed, nothing I did made much of a difference.  All that calculating and I was starving all the time yet still gaining weight.  I think my metabolism has rebounded enough that I will be okay.  I am being very careful to stick with 1,500.  More is fine too.  I just find that on most days 1,500 is where I end up.  This week I got a foot long sandwich and split that over two days for lunch but the last two days I've not had a "real" lunch.  More like a healthy collection of snacks.  Not because I'm trying to restrict, but because I'm just too lazy to deal with the getting and preparing of food.  Hubby made pork chops last week and this week.  He's at least stepped up to cook, but we don't have enough meat to take some for lunch too.  I am very reluctant about getting back into the kitchen.  I haven't even been to the grocery store.  I went on a 2 night work trip the week we got back and hubby's been the one running to the store picking up things.  Now that I'm not on a rigorous eating schedule I can get by with the few basics and I don't feel I have to hit up the grocery store every single week picking up certain foods that I must have in order to maintain my diet.  I do need to do better though because it's starting to catch up to me and I am feeling hungrier which causes cravings. 

So that's where I'm at.  I've been tracking my body measurements for a while.  I have lost some inches.  I will be posting them here so I can keep track.