I Am A Finance Freak

So Piglet wanted to know why don’t I just combine finances with hubby since he makes more and alleviate any undue hardship upon myself. And yes, I do agree that is what marriage is all about. It’s about teamwork and sharing your life often including finances.

Well, the main issue when it comes to this whole concept is me. My hubby has said that there is no need for me to get a second job since especially since he already has one by being in the guard. When I originally worked on our budget for when we moved into the new house I didn’t even account for his drill pay or for the GI bill money that he is getting now that he has started school. So technically, there is enough money to go around even with the hardship of having that extra mortgage.

The problem is that I am too proud and independent to a fault at times. I have a really difficult time accepting help from others especially when it comes to money. I started working when I was 16 and after that I was mostly on my own in terms of what I wanted or needed although if it was big they would help out. They helped me out with my first car because that would have been impossible but once I moved out and got on my feet I took over the payments and have never had to ask them for help since. I've also been saving money since I was 16.  No one ever had to tell me I should do it, it just came naturally.  It was always something I felt compelled to do.  In my first marriage I was the breadwinner and I actually made more money back then.  I never needed help from the ex in fact he came to me for help. I could always pay my own way and then some. My old job made me so depressed I wanted to die so I took a pay cut in 2007 and have been broke as a joke ever since. It was an adjustment but I have always been extremely disciplined when it comes to money so I was able to make that transition.

I don’t have any tolerance or sympathy for people that hit it big and then end up broke on the streets. I don’t feel sorry for people who rack up 20k in credit card debt on crap and then wonder why they are struggling and can barely pay their bills. It’s all about discipline and living within your means. If you can’t afford to pay cash I think it’s OK to put it on plastic as long as you do it one thing at a time and come up with a reasonable plan to pay it of in a certain amount of months and stick to it. If you can’t do that then you simply cannot afford to have it. And if you insist on getting it anyways then that is your problem if your finances spiral out of control. End of story. Let me hit the lottery!! I am the money managing queen and you won’t EVER find me broke again.

It killed me to put my auto warranty on a credit card. It was about $1400 and I could not recall the last time I put something on a credit card and didn’t pay it off the next month. It was a necessity and now I am feeling OK about it but it was hard for me just to do that. The car dealer guy was curious as to how I had such a huge chunk of money because we paid cash for the car. Hubby was kind enough to contribute 3 K but 14 K of it was my own money-and I don’t make much. I casually said, oh I just saved it up. Because I did. I didn’t like him helping me and I certainly didn’t ask-he offered- but on my income I just couldn’t afford to have another bill and I needed to get another car. 

When I first met hubby he spoiled me rotten. He took me to dinner and he bought me things and took me places. Most women like this right? Well not me. First of all I wasn’t used to that. With the ex hubby (who also happens to have been my 1st boyfriend) I made more so it was usually me that would pay more or we would go 50/50 etc. During the course of our relationships he couldn’t afford to do anything extravagant nor did I expect it. I had never been wined and dined in my life and it was so overwhelming that I had to ask him to cut back a little. I just couldn’t handle it. I felt terrible that I couldn’t pay half. I felt sick that he was spending all of this money on me and I couldn’t reciprocate. I had a REALLY hard time accepting money and gifts but I had to get over it. I still do my very best to pay for dinners when I can and chip in for things. This past week I felt pretty bad because he bought museum tickets and paid for dinner on Saturday. Then on Sunday he bought groceries and our yogurt. Then, when we went out to lunch on Wednesday he paid for that as well and not once did I offer to chip in. The reason being is that this month was tight and May is going to be tight too because of gifts and car registration. I really need to hang onto some cash and cut my spending because I have to get through this upcoming month on very little.

I think that I want to punish myself for not doing better financially. I tell myself that it’s my fault for being such a loser in the job market and having such a crappy paycheck. So, if I can’t afford a new phone, do things that I want or if I have to go get a 2nd job then that’s what I get. If I want those things then I need to do better.  I have not earned anything more in life so I don’t deserve to have it right? Well, this is my thought process and it prevents me from letting people help me. Even my husband. The condo is my responsibility and I don’t want anyone else to have to chip in money to pay for it.

There are women all over the world who don’t work and have no problem with it. Some of them don’t even have kids. Take my big sis for example. She lived at home into her 30's.  She makes so little money that she only has enough to pay for her car payment and student loan bill. She contributes about $200 a month to a joint savings account and nothing else to household bills or groceries. Her husband pays for everything. She doesn't like it that she isn't doing better but it doesn't kill her the way it probably would me.  I don’t think I could ever that set up myself. I am just too proud. Right now I am reveling in the fact that I pay all the household bills. I did it when I lived alone and I decided it would be best to keep that up so that hubby could contribute most of his paycheck to our savings. When we move into the new house….not so much but in working out budgets I have determined how much I can put into our joint account for joint expenses and so I will definitely still be contributing what I can. Though not as much as hubby of course. I used to tell myself that I would prefer to marry someone at or below my means just so I wouldn’t feel like a freeloader. I mean, who thinks like that?

I have always been a saver. For about a year I just didn’t have a dime to spare to put in savings and it felt terrible but other then that I ALWAYS put money into savings out of every paycheck even if it’s not as much as I would like. If I get a chunk of money all or most of it usually goes into savings. I have always contributed to a retirement account and still do even though I feel I don’t really have it to spare. I strictly manage my spending and credit card use is only for what I can pay off at the end of the month. I have an emergency fund and a savings that I don’t touch. No matter what I want to buy or what I want to do I will go without before I dip into it. I used to be a bit more casual with it because I could. I knew that next month I was going to turn around and put $600 in the bank so it wasn’t a big deal if I took out $100. On my limited income that is not possible anymore so once it goes in it stays and that’s that because I don’t have the resources to replenish it. I have actually had to set up an account and call it “Mad Money” just so I can have money that I feel I can enjoy spending and even then I still barely touch it. I am so afraid of not having anything to fall back on. Money just doesn’t come easily in my world and I have to be careful.

I budget food too. I save so much money by not eating lunch. While everyone else trots off to Einstein Brother’s Bagels in the morning and the deli down the street for lunch I don’t have to spend a dime. When I was super super struggling financially food was always the first to get cut. I can get by with eating less and this was an advantage for me weight wise and money wise.

So what does this attitude mean for me? I have awesome credit. I don’t have tons of extra bills to weigh me down. It means that sometimes I do without and I hate to ask for any kind of help or assistance. It means I have to say no to a lot of things because I don’t have the money. It also means that when I have needed money for a major necessary purchase I have had it. It also means that I feel like a loser because I can’t do more financially. I am so hard on myself but it’s not just when it comes to money it carries over to my weight as well. My inner demons have apparently have manifested itself in obsessive weight control, finance control, and you can’t forget the whole clean freak thing.  I don't know exactly where any of this came from but it's just the way I am. 

How’s that for an answer ? Whew!!!