So Much For Restricting

Don't get me wrong. I have been doing a great job of restricting. No beer or wine and only one soda this week. Yesterday I ate my pbj in the morning with coffee, reduced fat cheese its for lunch and a yogurt for an afternoon snack. I came home and ate a tiny Lean Cuisine microwave pizza and a piece of string cheese. The night before it was a plain old sandwich with lunch meat and some salad for dinner. I don't really keep track so much anymore but it's less then 1000 calories every day. I've been trying to drink more water and my bowels have improved. I have just been going home to work and it's just me. No opportunity to slip up which has been nice.

I am hungry. Yesterday my stomach was hurting so bad towards the end of my work day. I haven't really seen results on the scale though. I've still been flip flopping between 115.5 and 116 and not really going down too much. I am almost not surprised though because so often it seems that the harder I try the harder it is to loose weight. The harder I try, the more I restrict, the more my body tries to hold onto whatever it's got and I don't loose. But, I have seen this pattern before. I know that if I push, push, push eventually my body will respond. It might be painful. I might start to feel like crap. I have to be consistent. But eventually, it will do what I want and then I have to decide if I want to continue to feel like crap or start eating more. And get fat. Vicious cycle.

I am still agonizing over the house decision of course. A foreclosure came up in the price range that I originally wanted for us and I keep pondering what if's. The commute would suck but the payment might be lower. We would loose our $3,000 deposit on the new one and we really like the new one so it's not really an option but I can't help but second guess myself. Which I HATE.

It sucks when every dime you earn is meticulously accounted for. It leaves little room for living life and margin for error. Is it really worth it? Should we have just settled for so so and have less of a financial monthly burden to bear? I don't like being restricted by a budget but am used to it. I worry that hubby might have a hard time adapting and struggle to stay within our budget. What happens when all of his friends want to go skiing? Not only did he take a salary cut but he is now taking on a mortgage. He's not used to saying he can't do something or not having the money to spend on what he wants. I want him to be happy and OK. I feed off of his happiness when I don't have enough on my own.

It's more then I wanted to spend but I still don't think we have been excessive or are asking for too much. We're not looking for a mansion here. Living in this state does not come cheap no matter how you slice it. The house I can get here for X amount of dollars is a heck of a lot less then we could get elsewhere for the same money.

There are still so many unanswered questions in terms of the final interest rate and how many mortgage points we can buy to try to lower it and our mortgage and even when we will be moving. I still have my little condo to worry about renting out too. I'm not sure I can afford to loose a percentage of the rent to a property management company so I might have to do it myself.

Why can't I just be rich dammit!!!! Will the stress and worry every end? Probably not.